Overall I have a great stepson. He is well behaved for the most part and when I compare him to other children, he is pretty laid back. He doesn't get too emotional and he is generally even keeled.

However, I spend the most time with him. I am the one who remembers his school schedule, reminds him of chores, teaches him to cook, checks his homework, reads with him,  answers his questions and engages with him consistently. With that said, sometimes I tire of him. Sometimes he is a little irritating. Sometimes I lose my temper and sometimes I can be a bit quick with him.

For example:

My stepson is the Prince of Procrastination since his father is The King of Procrastination. He had a book report due last month. Each month he must read a book and do a report. He is supposed to read a specific genre and then create a project from a list. I asked him quite a few times what book he was supposed to read and he assured me he knew. The Friday before the report was due he said "Oh, I was supposed to read a Sunshine State Book." With that we headed over to the library at 5:00 pm on Friday to find the library closed. I told him he and his father would have to get a book at the library the following day. When my husband got home I told him about this and he responded my saying, "Well just go to the bookstore and buy it for him"

I was immediately pissed

A. Why would I buy him a book?
B. It's not my problem, it's his
C. The library will be open tomorrow

My husband said my temper seemd short as I rolled my eyes and stood erect.

My husband explained that his football game was the next day and there wouldn't be enough time and blablablablabalbalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went to the bookstore and bought him a small book called Punished.
I was surprised it was on the list for 5th grade because it seemed low level. Then once I saw it was about puns, oxymorons and anagrams, I knew comprehension would have to occur.

I got home, tossed my stepson the book and finally laid down on the couch to watch tv. An hour later my stepson came down and said, "I'm done."
I replied, "You are not done." with lots of irritation attached to my voice.
My husband stood up and said, "How do you know? Why don't you ask him about the book? Why are you so mena to him?"

OH HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

With that I collected my legs which were shaking and my temper which was flaring and I went upstairs, brushing by both of them and went to bed. My husband came in behind me wtih flubbering words about "I know all tha you do fof him, I mean I know you do a lot and bla bal ablablaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" It all sounded like The Peanuts teacher, "waawaawaaaawwahawa."

Later on my husband said he wished I would tell him when I get to th ebreaking point. In my head ai was thinking, "That is nowhere near a breaking point"

I tol him I AM THE PARENT! I am with him the most so I am going to get sick of him. He replied that he wants me to retain a nice relationship with him and not use my temper. I said, "Then have someone else raise him."

How silly is that> It really reminded me that my husband hardly sepnds time with him. It sucks. But it's our reality.


"

My husband told my stepson not to erase the text. The teacher at school was notified and for some reason they called my stepson down to the office which scared the crap out of him. Then the girl that sent him the text was called down. When she got back she told him to erase the text........and my stepson did.
Let's just say when my husband caught wind of this he was not too happy.
I immediately began to overanalyze this action. Why didn't he listen to my husband? Why did he listen to the girl? Why did he erarse it? We must not have a good bond with him. He must trust kids at school more than he trusts us. Yes, that is it! We are not to be trusted and we are entering into a world filled with angst and pain and not listening and arguments and resentment......
He said he was scared. I just hope he knows that he can trust us and that we really do have his back.

And I sure hope that these sexts or texts discontinue, or maybe I am living in a dream world.

Almost on the third week now of  baby momma being more involved in my stepson's life, and all in all pretty good. I am now conversing with her regularly when we see each other and she is receptive to my suggestions, or at least she acts like it and that is good enough for me.
Last week they had a parent teacher conference and my stepson has improved. I think his mom being more involved in his life and holding him accountable is making a difference.
However, my stepson is still doing homework and not turning it in which resulted in his phone being confiscated. As I was perusing his text messages and phone log, which was full of lots of, "yeas, uh huhs, nos, whys, ks, hahas, yess, nows, laters," and I was just about to dose off from pure boredom of it all, alas a text from "Stacie" came in. It was an interesting text and I had to figure out how to download the picture she was sending. It said it was a "forwarded" text and once I had opened the picture I was rather surprised at what I saw; a young woman, at least she looked like a young woman, posed with her hip out, hand hugging it, tatas pushed up and out, in a skin tight shirt and jeans. It said "Rate Stacie. Do you think she's hot? Send back  Y or N."
I showed my husband and we both laughed out of pure shock. We didn't know who this girl was and her number was not attached to a name. We put his phone away and planned on talking with him about it later.
The following day I came home and checked his phone. The newest message was "Ally" and she was wearing a bikini top and had her pajama pants pulled down low. She had a few pictures of herself with an attached survey and information sheet.

"Hi this is Ally and I don't do drugs anymore, I luv my boyfreind and liv cleen. I have loots of friends and luv em all. I'm a sexy ball of fun if ya know what I meen. I have lots of freinds, slut friends, best freinds, party friends...."

This went on for longer than anyone would have wanted. Thank God my stepson was considered her "school" friend."
This was all abut too overwhleming and I gave the phone to my husband. We knew something would have to be done.......

Now that Baby Mama has so much time on her hands, she is becoming more involved in her son's life again. I hope he doesn't notice this is occuring because she no longer has a boyfriend, and I really hope she doesn't bail again when she gets a new one, but only time will tell.
One of the newest changes is that she wants to see my stepson on Wednesday afternoons. She told my husband she wants to pick him up on Wed. and take him to dinner, etc as long as his homeowork is done. I asked if homework being done was a pre-requisiste, was spending time with her a reward and would she be helping him with homeowkr?
 He didn't have an answer so last Wednesday she came by to pick him up. I had not checked over his homework so I told him to take her upstairs and go over things with him.
Over 3o minutes went by and they were still upstairs which made me feel weird.
It just did, having her upstiars in our home. weird....I can't explain exactly why or how..... just weird.
When they finally came down, my stepson was pissed, she was pissed and telling him he better wipe his sad look off his face and that his homework was rushed and sloppy.
I didn't know what to say or do.
Do I pretend I am not hearing this?
Do I begin agreeing and start exchanging advice and information?
Do I leave that up to my husband even though their communication is horrific?
Do I say anything to my stepson? I just didn't know what to say since his homework is usually crappy, and we usually have him re do it.
Was she thinking this is how he normally turns in his work?
I felt suddenly self conscious as she was all of a sudden delving into the daily life of my stepson.
So I chose avoidance alltogether......ignored them both and waited for the door to close behind them.

I tend to rant more than rave due to the nature of my situation and all the stress it causes me. Writing helps me to funnel my irritation since often times I can be too emotional for any human being to deal with. So I would like to rave over the simple, lovely, cordial conversation I had with Baby Momma yesterday.

She came early to pick up my stepson and I greeted her at the door to tell her he was finishing cleaning his room and to make her aware of his homework and the fact that he had forgotten his workbook all week. She thanked me and said he was on television restriction due to an occurance last week and any extra work would be appreciated since he would have plenty of time on his hands. I then gave her the directions to his flag footbal practice and congratulated her on her new dog. She said that she normally does not like dogs but has fallen in love with her dog.  It is indeed a full blooded pit bull and is very lovable. It is well trained and loves to run. I told her there was a dog park next to flag football and she could bring the dog there during practice.

Mature, Cordial.....NICE.....

YES! I couldn't make this stuff up....Truly.......
So now there's a dog.....
My stepson came home doing the happy dance and I asked what was up.
"I got a dog!"
Que shocked look:


So any whosky I said, "Really? wooowww....like wooowww...." I really said that. I had an acid flashback and I literally kept sayin, "woooowwww....." then, "cooooollll..."
After I realized my stepson was staring at me I got it together and asked all the important questions like what kind of dog it was, where they got it who the hell would be taking care of it since......nevermind.....
He excitedly told me it is a five year old dog that an aquaintenance didn't want anymore and so she gave it to them.
He said "It's a pitbull."
Visions flashed in front of my eyes:



My stepson knows I hate pitbulls, well honestly I am scared of them so he reassured me by telling me the dog sleeps with him in bed.
"Oh." No, that didn't make me feel any better.
I went to my husband and he said he heard it was a pitbull mix which made me feel a little better.
I asked my stepson why they got a dog and he said his mom knew how much he wanted a dog and expected him to take care of it too. Considering he lives with us I am not sure how much attention he will be giving the dog.
Regardless my stepson is happy, of course.
I just hope this dog sticks around.

Last February when my stepson came to live with us full time, In my heart I felt it was because his mother wanted to move her boyfriend in. Whether I was wrong or right, I just felt that in my heart, especially since up until that point she rarely acknowledged my existence and seemed to hold a real resentment towards me.

Nonetheless, as soon as my stepson moved in with us, her boyfriend moved in. This was the second man that had lived at his mother's house.  Along with that came lots of accolades from my stepson in reference to her new beau. We will call him "Mr. Chad." Often he came home saying things like, "Mr. Chad gave me his shoes." "Mr. Chad gave me a laptop." "Mr. Chad gave us PS2." "I met Mr. Chad's kids." Then came, "We're getting a dog!"

All along I was concerned with the aftermath. The realization that none of these things were my stepson's. That all these "things" may may be taken away from him at any moment. That a break up would cause custody issues over a dog. I had read that single parents should never move a boyfriend or girlfriend in unless marriage is inevitable. I had hoped it would be everlasting, a new path, a member of the family.

However as of last month we learned that Mr. Chad had moved out along with this PS2, shoes, laptop and memories. We asked our stepson if he knew why and he said, "I don't know, my mom just said he moved out." I was grateful there would not be any dog custody issues.

I wonder how this affects my stepson. I mean there has to be questions and concerns from him. Maybe not. But what about the next boyfriend? Will he move in? And the next?

Winter sickness arrived at our house along with hosting Christmas parties and decorating trees, cooking and socializing. By default, I had to do most of the work since my husband had a fever. I asked my stepson if anyone had taken him Christmas shopping and of course no one had, so I put that on my list as well.
I had already purchased his grandparent's presents for him; coffee mugs that read, "Love Blooms in Grandmas" and "Through God all things are possible." Simple, weepy, mushy sentiments that would have grandma and grandpa at "hello."
I decided Ross was our best bet for shopping since it fits my budget and I would rather bleed out than enter a Walmart during the holidays.  We approached the clearance jewelery section for his mom's gift. I know she likes jewelery and Ross has cute stuff. I could have allowed my stepson to pick out the pearl clip on earrings that he thought for sure his mom would LOVE, but I gently guided his confused little noggin over to a kick ass purple bracelet that I secretly wanted for myself. He loved it, thought his mom would love it, we laughed, we cried, we high fived and kept it movin.......I also let him pick out a necklace for her.
We then broached the subject of my husband who is as easy to shop for as Donald Trump, never mind his 6 foot 7 frame. He always buys himself stuff so there is NOTHING he wants, and forget about NEEDS. He surpassed that long ago.
However we were able to locate a cool floating flashlight, boxers with fish and a t-shirt. My stepson then wanted to purchase gifts for his mother's side and I immediately pulled out my AMEX and said "sure, let's light it up!"
NO NO NO.....I simply said, "I am sure your mom has bought gifts for them, for you to give...." F that, I ain't crazy now!"

We headed home and I taught my stepson how to gift wrap since I realized after his first attempt no one had ever helped him in that department.....As we wrapped, I saw how happy he was, which made me somewhat happy, but because I am inherently selfish I turned things back to me.....Like WHO will take him shopping for ME??? I thought briefly of my husband, sick in bed with a fever, and realized NO ONE WOULD BE...I would once again have to sit back and smile through my irritation and pretend how grand GIVING is and RECEIVING is for the selfish......

My stepson had a sleep over that night and when he returned in the morning he had a large box, obviously wrapped by him. I asked what that was and he said "your present."
"Oh. well who bought it for you?" I figured I would need to pay back someone in the neighborhood.
"I bought it." he said.
"Oh when?"
"I don't want to say." he said and I became irritated knowing we really needed to give someone money and this would take more work that I thought.
"We need to know because we don't want to owe anyone money, and I think that is sweet but you have to tell me who got this for you."
He reluctantly told me that he had broken the rules and rode his bike up to Walgreens the day before to buy me a gift. He explained how he took his friend so he wasn't alone, and they brought it back to his friend's house and wrapped it.
I was so overjoyed that I let his little indiscretion of riding to Walgreens slide. I told my husband who spoke with him about it and it was confirmed that he broke the rules to BUY ME A PRESENT!!!! WITH HIS MONEY!!!!! :

Christmas Eve he asked if I would open his last so I did...he made a big deal about it and when I opened it it was the oddest, bestest gift ever!!! No not a weird Chia pet, but a "fake melting candle that flickers and pumps water." Oh who cares! My gift rocked more than anyone else's because of the THOUGHT!!!!!!

My husband and I are in Costa Rica and have decided we want to move here. Like so many "gringos" we would like to take full advantage of the simple way of life here, the ocean front views, the incredible vegetation and the amazing surf.

However we have a child. When this fact is once again apparent, my day dream comes to a screeching halt. My ocean freont view in my head is suddenly blocked by a very large train that we cannot get around.

The train metaphor works for me because that is what he is. My stepson is full of energy, vigor and passion, and he is on his way in life but will need to cover many miles of tracks that we must provide for him. I know my stepson would move to Cosat Rica. He is "cool" like that. He wouldn't whine and cry and be devastated. But there is no way that will happen. He has a mother who would never allow that and of course it's understanable. It's another fact of having a stepson and how it can inhibit your desires to do certain things. Which in the case of my husband is a good thing. He is so obssessive and passionate about things that he "does it 'til it's dead." He stays on something until it is soooo over.

Moving to Costa Rica is something he would do tomorrow, but because of his son, he has to stop and think.....which I am grateful for.

  Til we meet again Costa..............

UGH. I am worried which I hate because I haven't worried in a long time. I mean I freak out and get crazy and then I am fine. But I hate the befuddled feeling. The permanently creased brow feeling. The forehead that wakes up before me in the morning just to remind me that "yes, I am still worried." So I need help, reassurance, something, because it's been 24 years since I was 11 years old. (Wow that math just about killed me.)